In a far off land, I walk the velvet shore of the Pacific Ocean. Still a stranger here on the west coast, my preferred coast at the moment. I still feel the need to travel. But tonight on the solstice or just one night away, when everything feels so dark and still, I sit here alone and reflect on the year that is fast approaching closure. My morning walks on the ocean have been like medicine for my soul. As the waves slap against the beach, I can feel her reverberation deep inside my solar plexus. I walk barefootie, feeling the cool sand and even in daring moments the icy edge of the water. The sensation sends an ache through my body, enough to avoid the experience until repeating this ritual of pain the next day. The ocean is sooo seductive. The waves are calming, trancing me into a lull of nothingness. Come in for a float, she says. I just watch and long for this "dip" in the most delicious way. Will I ever give it to myself? Like go out a buy and wet suit? I would swim in her then. Or do I just want to savour my longing for this? I am enjoying the longing and savoring the wait. Like knowing that I will be reunited with my Tantric lover on Christmas Day. How special to long for that kind of connection. I can recall a time when these feelings would be overwhelming. Now it is a sweet hum, this tumescence. No doubt a gift of my cronehood. I celebrate this solstice knowing that I am dying to be reborn in every moment. I am leaving behind any hallucination that there is anything lacking in the way my life has unfolded. I am grateful for it all. What a miraculous life! Next stop Chicago.
